Things I'll Never Say
by 1-800fangirl
Summary: "And in that moment, Lucy sat up in her bed, drenched in cold sweat." NaLu Oneshot.


**Hello NaLu fans! This is going to be a NaLu oneshot – I considered splitting it into two, however what would be the first part of it would have a significant lack of NaLu – but I hope you enjoy it anyways. I apologize for OOC-ness. This idea came to me after seeing Aquarius' key break (I hope didn't just spoil that for anyone *sweatdrops*). This oneshot would be set the night after Natsu returns after a year. So instead of him seeing the map and notes on her wall, he would see, well, I don't want to spoil anything before you read, so I hope you enjoy this!**

 **Note:** There is platonic LoLu, because it's BrOTP. Also a brief mention of Lories.

 **Note 2.0:** I don't curse, nor do I condone cursing. But for the sake of characterization, some characters appear cursing (*cough* Natsu *cough* Aquarius *cough*), though it is censored. For example, h*** and f***.

 **Disclaimer:** Own Fairy Tail? *looks around* You aren't talking to me, right?

Things I'll Never Say

Lucy was in her bedroom, sitting anxiously on her bed as she fiddled with the small pouch that held her five silver keys and ten – _No, nine,_ she corrected herself as she bit her lip to prevent tears from flowing – golden ones. Around her neck hung the top half of a golden key on a chain in the same color, the bottom half completely gone. One of her hands instinctively went and grabbed it, holding it tightly to stop tears from spilling out.

This was the key that had once let her summon her most powerful spirit.

The key of her most trusted spirit.

The key that had been broken in order to summon the Celestial Spirit King.

The key of the spirit that had sacrificed herself in order to save her guildmates.

The key that opened the Gate of the Water-Bearer, Aquarius.

The key that could never be used again.

Lucy cursed herself silently as a single tear trickled down her cheek. _Enough,_ she scolded herself. _You've cried too much over this._ Despite her frustration at herself, she wasn't able to stop more tears from coming out. Ever since Aquarius' key had been broken, the blonde mage hadn't be able to see her, and according to her other spirits, the strong-willed bluenette had been staying away from everyone in the spirit world as well.

When she'd been completely distraught from grief, Lucy had commanded her spirits to look for the blue mermaid and report back to her _immediately_ if they found her. Of course, once she'd come to her senses, the order had been revised to look for Aquarius if they had time, and get the news to her as soon as possible if she was found. Lucy had decided that if Aquarius couldn't come to her, she'd go to Aquarius.

Her hand unconsciously relaxed its tight grip on the broken key, beginning to simply stroke it instead.

Today was the day she'd see her again.

It _had_ to be.

She couldn't stand another day of not seeing her.

Guilt weighed so heavily on her… Lucy was certain she'd be crushed by it if she had to wait any longer to speak to Aquarius.

The celestial mage was shaken from her thoughts by the brilliant golden light that flooded her room. "Loke," she breathed as the handsome spirit of the lion appeared in front of her. She was suddenly nervous. As much as she wanted to believe Aquarius had been found, that she'd be able to speak to her, she knew she couldn't afford to get her hopes up. The worst hurt was the feeling of your hopes coming and crashing down on you. "Please tell me you have good news."

The orange-haired spirit gave her a sad smile. "Lucy…"

She bit her lip, holding back a fresh wave of tears. "It's fine. Today just wasn't it."

Loke chuckled, his eyes glinting with mischief. "You didn't let me finish my sentence," he teased.

She froze. "What…?"

He smirked. "You always jump to conclusions, you know."

Her eyes widened. "Are you saying…?"

"Wouldn't you rather come and see for yourself?"

She gasped, tears of joy dropping from her eyes. "L-Loke, I don't know what to –"

He moved close to her and placed a finger on her lips. "Hush. You can't waste time crying, you know." He tossed a bundle of clothes at the pretty blonde. "Virgo sent these. She said you can punish her if they aren't to your satisfaction."

Lucy rolled her eyes, wiping the tears from her cheeks, unable to stop herself from giggling. _That's just like Virgo._

"After you've changed," Loke continued, "summon Horologium. He's probably waiting for you right now. He'll take you into the Celestial Spirit World." He was about to leave, but suddenly stopped. "Lucy…" He gave her a warm smile before pulling her into a hug. "This is a happy event for all of your spirits."

She nodded into his shoulder, still sniffling. "I know. You all missed her as much as I did."

He gently moved her away from him, but his hands remained on her shoulders. "We missed Aquarius, yes, but even more than that, we missed your smile." He let go of her, grinning rather cheekily one last time before disappearing in another flash of golden light.

Upon his leaving, Lucy was unable to stop herself from sinking to her knees, her body shaking from tears of joy. _Finally…_ After waiting for over a year, after weeks and weeks of sleepless nights, after days of depression, she'd finally get to see Aquarius again. _Finally…_

The blonde steeled herself and wiped tears from her eyes. Just as Loke had said, this wasn't any time to cry. She had this opportunity, and she wasn't going to waste it. Not for anything in the world.

She quickly changed into the blue dress with golden stars on the bodice that Virgo had chosen from her so she could travel safely in the Spirit World. She paused as she was zipping the back, wondering if it was possible for her to simply requip into a Star Dress and travel to the spirit world in that form. After considering it, she decided not to risk it. What purpose would there be in trying to visit Aquarius, only to injure herself by trying to visit the Spirit World in improper clothing? Not to mention Virgo would feel she had chosen poor attire for her owner and start asking for punishment.

The thought of it made almost Lucy laugh. Almost.

After pulling on the pair of boots, she grabbed her pouch of keys from off her bed and removed a silver key from it.

"Gate of the Clock, I open thee!" she declared, "Horologium!"

There was a stretch of silence that only lasted a split second before a puff of magic revealed a tall grandfather clock.

"Please get in, Lucy-sama," Horologium said, his voice as tinny as always, opening the glass front that covered his empty interior. "She's waiting."

Lucy gave the clock a warm smile, though the effect was somewhat ruined by her giggling. "And she hates it when I'm late."

Horologium smiled – or smiled as much as a clock _could_. "Now, please, Lucy-sama. We must get going."

She nodded and hastily climbed into the clock, shutting the glass panel behind her. After situating herself, and turning to be in a more comfortable position, she felt her stomach drop as her bedroom disappeared before her eyes and stars seemed to fall in front of her.

She quickly shut her eyes, remembering how disorientating inter-world travel could be. But as she did this, the reality of what she was doing came crashing in on her, finally settling properly in her mind.

 _I get to see Aquarius. After all this time… What will she look like?_ She mentally facepalmed. _That doesn't take a genius to guess, Lucy. She probably looks the same. It's not as if she ages._ She bit her lip as more worrying thoughts appeared. _How's she going to react to seeing me there? How's she going to act_ afterwards _? Will she be angry? Or happy to see that I'm well? Will…_

 _Will she have missed me the way I missed her?_

Those and hundreds of other questions floated through the celestial mage's mind, only succeeding in increasing her nerves. Before she knew it, they had arrived in the Celestial Spirit World and had landed safely on the ground.

"We are here, Lucy-sama," Horologium squeaked, swinging open the glass pane to allow her out.

Lucy nodded, but was unable to will herself to get out. _What's wrong with me?_ Suddenly, a strong hand took her hand and pulled her out.

"Don't be shy, now."

She squeaked as she almost fell face-flat onto the floor. She regained her balance before yanking her hand away and glaring the one who'd caused her near-fall. "Loke, you can't do that to an unsuspecting girl!"

Loke shrugged, a smile dancing on his lips. "I got you out, didn't I?"

She rolled her eyes before turning back to face the grandfather clock. "Thank you, Horologium."

Horologium bowed slightly. "No trouble at all, Lucy-sama." With another puff of magic, he disappeared, presumably returning to his home somewhere in the Spirit World.

Lucy took a deep breath before turning back around to face the orange-haired spirit, only to jump in surprise to see the pink-haired maid next to him. "V-Virgo!"

Virgo bowed. "Greetings, Princess."

The blonde put her hand on her rapidly beating heart. "You can't sneak up on me like that!"

She bowed again. "Do you wish to punish me, Princess?"

Lucy puffed her cheeks out in annoyance. "I'm not going to punish you, Virgo."

"As you wish."

She sighed and tossed her long blonde ponytail over her shoulder. "Well… Now what?"

Virgo bowed once more before gesturing towards a path that had mysteriously appeared from thin air. "This is the path, Princess. Aquarius is waiting at the end of it." She waited until Lucy had nodded to begin making her way down it.

Lucy started to follow her.

Or rather, she _thought_ she did. In reality, she was frozen in place. She didn't notice, but she was shaking. Loke, however, _did_ notice.

He frowned. "You okay?"

She forced a smile on her face. "Yeah!"

"Your entire body is saying otherwise."

She turned a brilliant red. "That can be taken as really perverted, you know!"

He chuckled. "I'm not Taurus. Though you do have –"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" she squeaked, slapping at him, though it was half-hearted.

He caught her hand as she pitifully attempted to hit him. "Hey…"

"Let go," she whispered, not meeting his eyes. "I have to go talk to Aquarius."

"She can wait for just a moment." Loke didn't release her wrist, instead pulling her into a second hug. "Don't be so nervous. This is what you've been waiting for."

Lucy inhaled a shuddering breath but nodded.

"More than that, it's what _Aquarius_ has been waiting for. She'd never admit, but she misses you. She wants to see you. So go."

She slowly pulled away. "Yes."

He smile at her and let go of her hand. "Good luck. Wish I could come." He smirked. "Aquarius doesn't want guys there. And Aries is waiting for me."

She giggled. "Trouble with Scorpio?"

He shrugged. "Like I know. It's not as if she'd admit to it."

Lucy's giggle became a full-out laugh. "You always know how to cheer me up, you know that?"

"But of course."

She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Loke."

Loke's cheeks dusted over with pink, but he smirked. "I'm taken, Princess."

She rolled her eyes. "Mavis, you're arrogant."

"I know. But you're welcome. Now hurry up. Virgo's left you behind."

Lucy turned around to look, and sure enough, Virgo was almost halfway down the path. She made a strange exclamation of surprise before quickly running after the girl. "V-Virgo! Wait up!"

Loke chuckled as the blonde chased down the pinkette. _She'll be fine._ He smiled at her back one last time before disappearing in a golden flash of light.

"Please hurry, Princess," Virgo said upon seeing the blonde mage rushing to catch up to her. "Aquarius is not fond of being kept waiting." She paused before adding thoughtfully, "Princess, if we _are_ late, will you punish me?"

Despite her exhaustion and nerves, Lucy managed to roll her eyes at the all-too-familiar statement. "I'd rather not."

Virgo sighed in disappointment. "Someday, Princess, you really must punish me. I cannot forever go without discipline."

She laughed. "No matter you say, I don't want to!"

"What if I did something that should result in punishment?"

"Not even then." She gave the maid spirit one of her signature smiles. "The Virgo I know would never do something like that, anyways."

Virgo returned the mage's smile with one of her own. "And the Lucy _we_ know would never be so nervous about reuniting with an old friend."

Lucy stared at the pinkette for a moment in confusion before her eyes widened. "What…?" She puffed her cheeks out, exasperated with all of the comforting. "You too, Virgo? I'm not nervous!"

Virgo shrugged. "I was doing as Leo said to. My apologies, Princess. Punishment –"

"No!" She sighed. "I appreciate that you're all trying to make me feel better, but I really don't –"

"We're here, Princess."

"– need any sort of – what?"

"We're here."

Lucy noticed Virgo had suddenly stopped a few feet away from a sort of white and gold pavilion. She swallowed thickly, more nervous than she'd ever been. _Amazing how two words can shatter a lighthearted mood,_ she thought wryly. She could where Aquarius was sitting – _Floating,_ she corrected herself – over one of the chairs surrounding a small little table.

"I'll be going, Princess," Virgo said, bowing towards the girl before disappearing in a puff of magic.

Lucy felt herself swallowing again. She took a deep breath before slowly making her way towards the blue-haired mermaid. "A-Aquari –"

"Tch."

Lucy froze. It had been a year since she'd heard that familiar verbal quirk. "Aquarius?"

"You're late."

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to –"

"Sit down, brat." The blue mermaid was looking away from her, arms crossed over her chest.

Lucy nodded hastily before quickly sitting across from the water-bearing spirit. There was an awkward silence as she was only able to stare at the mermaid's back.

Finally, Aquarius sighed before turning around. "Why did you come here?"

Lucy smiled softly at her, relieved she wasn't being ignored. "I missed you, of course. I was worried about you."

"Isn't _that_ a shame?"

The bitterness in Aquarius' voice made the blonde's smile fall from her face. "W-What do you mean? I hadn't been in contact with you after I…" She trailed off. "After Tartarus. It's only natural I'd be worried about you. And then Loke –" Her voice cracked. She took a trembling breath in a useless attempt to calm herself before continuing. "Loke came and told me that you'd disappeared. That no one had seen you since…" She trailed off again.

Aquarius snorted. "You're pathetic. Didn't you realize that I can handle myself?"

"Aquarius!"

"I being honest, girlie. Why did you come back? Huh?"

"Because you're my friend!" Lucy didn't realized she'd shouted until she saw the shocked expression on Aquarius' face. "I-I'm sorry! I –"

"You may consider me a friend, but you sure as h*** aren't one of mine."

Lucy felt the blood drain from her face at those words. The weight of a thousand planets seemed to fall onto her shoulders. It was like she couldn't breathe. "W-What do you mean…?"

"Exactly what I said," the mermaid spirit snapped. "We aren't friends, brat."

"A-Aquarius –!"

"Shut up, wench!"

Lucy shrank back at the blue-haired woman's tone. "Aquarius… Why? What did I do?" she whispered.

"You broke my key. You sacrificed me to save your pathetic little guild friends. You aren't _supposed_ to see me again!"

"But I-I wanted to! Is that so wrong?!"

"Yes!" Aquarius' eyes were gleaming with rage and menace. "You made the decision, and you paid the price for it! Don't go getting guilty now that you're finally forcing yourself to confront the truth!"

"Aquarius…" Lucy was unable to stop tears from streaming down her cheeks. "Why must –"

"Shut _up_! Quit pitying yourself and acting like a fragile little child, you b****! I'm sick of always seeing your tears. If you're going to cry, _leave._ "

"But –"

"Leave! I never want to see you again!"

xxxxxxxxx

And in that moment, Lucy sat up in her bed, drenched in cold sweat.

She was breathing shallow and fast, and her pillow was stained with tears she'd shed during the dream.

 _A dream. Just a dream,_ she tried to tell herself. _Aquarius… She'd never say such things. She'd never get so angry. She'd – She'd – Why can't I think?!_

She couldn't form rational thoughts. Everything was consumed by the panic rising within her. "Alone..." she gasped. "I don't – don't want – no!" She couldn't even speak. Words refused to be properly arranged and spoken, and she couldn't calm down. She tried to climb out of her bed, hoping to walk around to soothe herself, but the moment she'd swung her legs over the side and stood on her feet, her legs collapsed beneath her. She squeezed her eyes shut as her body slammed into the ground, biting back a yelp of pain.

She hugged herself, trying to find a sense of peace, to _breathe._

 **You'll always be alone.**

Lucy drew in a shuddering breath before shaking her head to get rid of the thought. To ignore the negative voice in her mind that had only gotten louder after Natsu had – after Fairy Tail had disbanded.

 **You'll always be alone.**

She managed to force out fragments of a sentence. "No – I don't – they'll – forever –"

 **No one cares about you.**

"Th-They do –"

 **They're all going to leave you.**

"No!"

 **Your mom died and left you. Your father emotionally left you for years, and then** ** _forgot_** **about you after you left him. But what he did after that hurts the most, huh? He had the audacity to go and** ** _die._** **Just like your mom. He left you** ** _alone._**

"I don't – they – it wasn't –"

 **And then you had a new family, right?** ** _Fairy Tail._** **They were always at your side. They accepted you as Lucy, not as a Heartfilia. But after that… They left you, too. Disbanded. Broke apart. Moved away. Leaving. You. Alone.**

"They won't – we'll get them – back – together – Natsu –"

 **Ah,** ** _Natsu._** **The worst of them all.**

"He –"

 **Left you a note, right? A short explanation. He gave no warning. He was gone for a whole year – when you needed him the most.**

"He – he's back –"

 **Yes, to give him credit, he was back after a year, just as he said. But for how long? How long until he** ** _leaves?_**

"Natsu – he wouldn't –"

 **As soon as Fairy Tail is brought back together, you know he's going to hang out with Gray and Erza and Wendy –**

"S-Stop…!"

 **You will always be alone.**

"I-I – I'm not –"

 **All of your 'friends' don't give a d*** about your well-being. After all, they** ** _left_** **when you needed them more than ever.**

"They'll –"

 **You are always going to be left behind. You're always going to be left alone.**

Lucy couldn't take it any longer. "Stop!" she cried, inhaling sharply. And then…

She couldn't breathe.

Her chest contracted, as if something was weighing down on her lungs. Her throat felt clogged. No air was entering her body.

Fear.

All she felt was _fear_.

Panic.

Silent shivers running down her spine, soundless tears trickling down her cheeks. No noise escaped her lips.

The only thing could do was hold herself even tighter.

 _I don't want to be alone…_

xxxxxxxxx

A certain blue Exceed woke up at the sound of someone getting out of bed. Happy had been sleeping at the blonde celestial mage's feet because the couch Natsu was currently sleeping on was not _nearly_ as comfortable as the cloud that was Lucy's bed.

And Natsu snored.

Happy rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Lushiiiii," he whined. "Don't make so much noise…" He yawned again. "I want to sleeeeeeeeeeep…" A loud _thump_ proceeded to startle him and completely wake him up. He pouted and flew over to where the girl was kneeling on the floor. "Lucy!" he exclaimed in mock-annoyance. "Didn't I just tell you to be quiet?"

The winged cat poked her shoulders, expecting her to shout at him. When there was no reaction, he frowned and poked her again. Still no reaction. Maybe she was sleepwalking…? He nodded to himself. That had to be it. _She was probably having a dream where she'd been chasing a fish._ Happy moved in front of the girl to see if her eyes were shut.

They weren't.

He made a noise similar to a squeak. Her eyes were wide open, staring directly at him. But the pure terror in her brown orbs told him that she wasn't seeing him at all – she was seeing something much worse. "Lushi?" he asked worriedly. "Are you okay?" Surely her breathing wasn't supposed to be so strangled and ragged. He poked her again, hoping to knock the girl back into normality.

Instead, Happy heard panicked words escape her lips.

"No – I don't – they'll – forever –"

Happy's eyes widened in alarm upon hearing her choked speech. He shook her frantically. "Lushi! Snap out of it! Please!"

"Th-They do – No!"

Happy realized this was entirely out of his power. He stared helplessly at the blonde as she inhaled sharply and sporadically. He couldn't do anything to – _Wait…_ "I'll be back, Lushi!" he shouted, flying into the main room where a certain dragon-slaying mage was sleeping on the couch. "Natsuuuuuuu!" he shouted tearfully, pulling at the flame mage's pink locks. "Wake up! It's an emergency!"

Natsu groaned, pushing away his blue Exceed friend. "Go away, Happy. It's not morning yet."

"Natsuuuuuuu!"

He growled in exasperation, rubbing at his eyes as he sat up on the couch. "What's so important you have to wake me before dawn?" he said grumpily, moving his hair out of his face.

"Don't joke around, Natsu!"

The fire mage sighed. "Honestly, Happy –" The tears in Happy's eyes made any thoughts of anger fly from his mind. "Happy? What's wrong?! Are you okay?!"

"It's not me," Happy sniffled, wiping away tears from his cheeks. "It's Lushi!"

Natsu froze. _Lucy…?_ His eyes widened as the realization of what the blue cat meant set in. "What do you mean?! What's wrong with her?!"

Happy shook his head. "I don't know! She's on the floor, and she's breathing really fast and she's talking to herself and –"

Within a split second Natsu had thrown off the blanket covering him, running towards the blonde mage's room, Happy shaking off his shock before following him.

xxxxxxxxx

The pink-haired boy's gaze quickly came to rest on a distraught Lucy hugging herself while half-sitting on the middle of the floor. The way she was breathing so quickly, and so sharply – it f***ing scared him, d*** it! He ran to her, getting on his knees in front of her. "Oi, Luce." He mentally cursed. He didn't know what to do – what to say to her to get her to snap out of it. "Lucy." He was afraid. So d*** afraid. Afraid to not do anything, but afraid that he'd do something that would hurt her. But the pure fear in her eyes made him forget all that. " _Lucy._ " He reached out and placed on hand on her back, slowly rubbing in circles.

It seemed to work, if only slightly. The harshness of her breathing seemed to slow. Just a bit.

Natsu didn't mentally comprehend it, but he placed his other hand on her thigh and gently traced shapes on it. "Luce," he whispered quietly. "Luce, please wake up." He felt so helpless. Seeing her in such a state, and not being able to do anything. He could smell the scent of panic and terror coming off of her, and it was f***ing hurting him. "Luce, you've got to come back to us."

The pink-haired boy suddenly got an idea. He remembered how Igneel used to comfort him when he had nightmares as a child. Surely it would work on Lucy – minus the fire-breathing part. He slowly unwrapped the blonde's arms from around herself, being as careful as possible so to not startle her and make what he figured to be a panic attack that she was having worse.

He then pulled her towards him, stopping when their bodies were only a few inches apart. "Hey, Luce," he said gently, "It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine."

The celestial mage continued to wheeze and stare blankly at him, her brown eyes vacant of any and all emotion.

He softly tucked loose strands of her messy blonde hair behind her ear. "Lucy, I don't know what's got you like this, but don't be scared, okay? Me and Happy? You can talk to us. I know it's been a year. A year where we've both changed. A _lot._ " He laughed quietly. "But that doesn't matter. We're Fairy Tail, no matter what. And being a part of Fairy Tail means we're connected by the heart." He pulled the girl into a hug, unable to stop himself as he buried his head in her hair. "D*** it, Luce! You're scaring us!"

 _You're scaring_ me _._

xxxxxxxxx

Deep in the pitch black abyss of panic Lucy's mind was in, there was a spark. A flash of warmth. It seemed to _speak_ to her.

 _You're okay._

Its words were comforting.

 _Don't be afraid._

"I just don't want to be alone," she whispered to herself. "Never again."

xxxxxxxxx

Natsu held the girl against his chest, almost shouting with joy when her breathing slowed.

And then he heard it.

"I just don't want to be alone."

Her voice was hushed, but he heard it. He heard how she was begging for someone – _anyone_ – to reassure her. Immediately, he held the girl at arm's length, trying to see if she'd woken from whatever was making her drown in fear. Her eyes were still staring vacantly at him. Natsu's own eyes widened as he watched silent tears slide down her cheeks. "Lucy…" He cursed. "D*** it all!" He pulled her close to him again. "I'm so sorry, Luce. You'll never be alone again." _Because I'm never going to leave you._

xxxxxxxxx

 _You'll never be alone again._

xxxxxxxxx

"I promise."

xxxxxxxxx

 _I promise._

She inhaled sharply at those words. "A promise…" she murmured. "Please keep it."

Suddenly, she felt the blackness surrounding her start to fade away. The weight on her chest that was crushing her lifted. She took a deep breath before opening her eyes.

xxxxxxxxx

Lucy stirred in his arms.

"L-Lucy!" Natsu sputtered, hastily pushing her away.

"Natsu…" she said slowly, eyes widening as she stared at him.

He laughed awkwardly. "I'm glad to see you're awake, Luce!"

"Lushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Happy wailed, burying his face in her chest.

She reached up and stroked the blue Exceed's head, but her gaze never left Natsu. "Natsu…"

"That's my name," he said jokingly, tried to ease the tension. "Don't wear it out."

She continued to stare at him. Finally, her brown eyes welled with tears, and she began to sob.

"O-Oi!" he exclaimed, sweatdropping as he waved his hands out in front of him. "Don't cry! Please! Punch me, or kick me, or something!"

She just wept into the blue Exceed's fur, who was now crying into her chest.

"You're gonna make _me_ cry, Luce!"

And then she socked him in the chest. "You _idiot!_ "

He sighed in relief. "Yes, yes, I'm an idiot!"

"Don't you ever leave me again!"

He froze.

"I was so scared that you wouldn't you come back. That you'd left me forever. Just like – just like everyone else! And at least with the rest of the guild I had bits and pieces of information about where they were and what they were doing. But you two…" She swallowed before continuing. "There was nothing! Every day, nothing! I didn't – I couldn't – I just –" She starting coughing, choking on her tears. "I just…"

"Lucy…"

She pulled him towards her and buried her face in his chest. "Don't leave. I'm _begging_ you _._ Don't leave me again. After Aquar – after Tartarus... _Happened_ , I was just lost. And then the guild disbanded! Everyone _left_ me. I don't want – I _can't_ be alone. Please, Natsu…"

Natsu stared at the fragile girl crying her eyes out on his chest. He hadn't realized at the time how leaving would affect her. He'd been so wrapped up in Igneel's death and getting stronger to protect everyone that he hadn't thought of anyone else. He tentatively placed his hand on her back. "I won't," he whispered. "It's always more fun when we're together, right?"

She nodded, her face still buried in his chest. "Mhmm…"

"I guess I didn't think about what leaving would mean to everyone."

She laughed quietly, slowly lifting her head so brown eyes met onyx. "Not thinking is kind of your thing, isn't it?"

He chuckled. "Yeah. I guess it is." He gently stroked her head. "Feeling a little better?"

She sniffed, pulling away from him and wiping her face, still holding Happy with one arm. "Yeah. I think I overreacted."

He frowned. "You didn't overreact, Luce. You have every right to feel that way." He clenched his fist. "I _left_ you. I didn't f***ing think, and I left you. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't blame yourself! It wasn't even your fault!"

"Then whose was it?" he demanded. "If it wasn't me, who made you cry? I'll beat them to a pulp!"

She looked away from him. "It wasn't anyone, Natsu. Just a nightmare."

"About what?"

"Nothing."

"Lucy, it clearly wasn't 'nothing' if it made you have a d*** panic attack!"

"I said it was _nothing_ , Natsu!"

The blonde's harsh tone made him flinch.

Lucy covered her mouth. "Natsu… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to –"

Natsu stared coldly at her. "I don't like it when you lie to me, Luce."

"Natsu –"

"Someone hurt you. And I'm going to kill whoever it was."

"Natsu!"

He blinked, his anger dissipating slightly upon hearing the desperation in her voice.

She sighed. "Natsu… Why do you even care? It doesn't matter."

"You're my friend, Luce." He gave her a crooked smile. "Of course it matters."

She glared at him. "It didn't matter one year ago."

He winced. "I seriously messed up. I know."

She snorted, skeptical.

"But a year ago was a year ago. You're still my best friend, Luce. Even if I'm not yours."

Her frowned turned into a soft smile. "Don't be stupid, Natsu. Of course you're my best friend."

"So what happened a year ago? After Tartarus?"

Her smile disappeared. "Natsu… I don't want to talk about it."

"And I don't care." He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around so she was facing him. "You _need_ to talk about it. Or else it's going to get worse. I know this better than almost anyone."

She laughed bitterly. "I survived just fine on my own for a year. I don't need to talk to anyone."

"Does it have something to do with Aquarius?"

Lucy felt the color drain from her face. "W-What are you talking about?"

"When you were crying and telling me not leave, you started to say something about 'after Aquarius', but then you said 'after Tartarus'."

"It was just a slip of tongue," she muttered, not meeting his eyes.

Natsu grabbed her chin and moved it so she was. "It was _not_ a slip of the tongue, Luce. Even _I_ know that 'Tartarus' sounds nothing like 'Aquarius'. What happened?"

She yanked her face away before trying to pull her arm out of his grasp. "Let go of me, Natsu."

He didn't release her. "Tell me, Luce."

"Why do you suddenly care now?! You didn't care one year ago!"

"That's the past, Luce! What matters is _now_! Something happened with Aquarius, and I'll be _d***ed_ if I let you face it alone from now on!" He saw the tears trickling down her cheeks, and he let go immediately. "Lucy! I – I didn't mean to –"

She shook her head, wiping away the tears. "Don't apologize. You're right. I'm being an idiot."

"That's not what I –"

"I can't just keep it all in. It's not healthy." She slowly stood, gently placing Happy on the ground before walking over to her desk. She opened one of the drawers, taking out the stack of paper inside. She then lifted the false bottom, and took… _It_ out. She took a deep breath before turning around. "This is Aquarius' key." She opened her palm to reveal the broken key. "I used it to open the gate of the Celestial Spirit King to save everyone from Alegria, at her insistence. As a result, her key broke. I haven't seen her since."

Natsu didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to. "Did she…?"

"Die?" The blonde shook her head. "She's still alive. And that almost makes it worse." She laughed bitterly. "She's alive, but I can't see her. Ever again."

"And you've been dealing with this the whole time?!" he practically shouted. "D*** it, Luce! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because you had enough on your mind! After Igneel…"

"This is completely different!"

"It's not that different, Natsu! Besides, you needed time by yourself. So did I."

He clenched and unclenched his fist as if to vent his rage. "I know. But I could have done _something_ …"

She shook her head. "There's nothing you could have done."

He bit back an angry retort. "So was your nightmare remembering how you broke her key?"

She sighed. "No."

"What was it?"

She bit her lip. "It seems stupid, now that I think about it, but I dreamt that she hated me, basically. That she blamed for everything. And that she wasn't my friend anymore. Stupid, right?" She laughed, but the single tear trickling down her cheek betrayed her real emotions.

"Lucy… Why didn't you tell me?"

"I told you already. You had enough on your mind other than worrying about me, and it wasn't like you could have done anything."

"You're wrong."

"What?"

"I said that you're wrong." He stood up. "I couldn't have done much, yes, but there's _one_ thing I could have done." He gently took her hand. "I'm sorry that it's a year late, Luce." He grabbed the blonde mage and wrapped her in a huge hug, burying his face in her hair. " _This_ is what I would have done. I'd have been there for you. Like you've been there for me."

She shook her head, falling into the embrace and hugging him back. "No. I'm never there for you. _You're_ the one there for me."

His hug tightened. "But I wasn't. For a whole year, I wasn't there. I _left_ you to deal with it all yourself."

"And I came out on top, Natsu."

"I don't care. We lost a year, and we're going to have to work hard to make up for lost time."

"Natsu…"

"Lucy…" He kissed the top of her head, certain she wouldn't notice it through her hair. Unbeknownst to him, she had. "I'm so sorry that I'm a year late."

The celestial mage simply shook her head. "You're right on time."

They stayed like that, neither wanting to let go. It was almost as if one let go, the other would disappear.

"You two liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike each other," a familiar voice giggled.

Immediately, the two mages jumped apart.

"H-Happy!" Lucy stuttered, her face bright red. "W-What are you –?"

"Don't deny it, Lushi," Happy teased. "Plus, Natsu was always saying how much he missed you while we were away."

Natsu flushed. "Happy! You weren't supposed to tell her that!"

She gave the pinkette a shy smile. "Is that true, Natsu?"

"No," he scoffed. "Even if I did, it was probably the mushrooms talking."

Lucy frowned and glared at him. "Whatever." Suddenly, she yawned, only partially faking it. She wanted to end the awkward conversation. "Well, I'm tired. I'm going back to sleep. You two go back to the living room."

Happy snickered one last time before flying back into the main room.

Natsu didn't move.

"Natsu," Lucy said, gesturing towards the couch barely visible from her doorway. "Go back."

He shook his head. "No," he said resolutely. "I'm not leaving you again."

Lucy blushed. "Natsu…"

"I'm going to be sleeping with you!" he announced, climbing into her bed.

"That's not what I meant when I said I didn't want you to leave me!" she screeched, her face redder than before.

He shrugged. "Well, this way you won't have any more nightmares."

She sighed. "Natsu…" She yelped as strong arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her into the bed. "Let me go!" she shrieked, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

"Nope!" the fire mage said cheerfully. "Just get comfy, Luce!" At that, he closed his onyx eyes.

Lucy sighed. "Honestly…" She was unable to keep the small smile off her face as she watched him. She tried to lay down, only to find that there was hardly any room for her. She rolled her eyes before tapping his shoulder. "Natsu, if you're gonna be here, at least give me some room."

His reply was a snore.

She gaped. He was asleep already?! _Guess he didn't grow out of_ that _habit,_ she thought wryly. She sighed again before slowly wiggling down under her covers, too tired to realize how close she was lying next to the pink-haired dragon-slayer. "Goodnight, Natsu," she whispered, kissing him lightly on top of his head, sure he'd feel nothing as he was sound asleep. Unbeknownst to her, he had.

The two mages fell asleep, side by side, matching smiles on their face.

xxxxxxxxx

 **I'm not the happiest with the ending, but I feel it's decent enough. So that's the end! This is my first attempt at something 'angst' related, so please let me know how I did in a review. It was** ** _so hard_** **trying to figure out how Natsu would act in this scenario, but I think I did okay. Also, I hope my description of a panic attack was accurate, because while** ** _I've_** **never had one, my sister has, so I just went with how I remembered her behavior. I hope you enjoyed this oneshot, and if you have any requests, let me know and I'll try to write it!**


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